We are living longer and longer, if not healthier, life spans now. Many octogenarians are very active and not at all “old”, and as a consequence when allied to our modern social mobility and travel, we meet many people in a life-time, more than for centuries.
This means, from a spiritual perspective, that we have more opportunity to deal with old patterns hanging over from former lives and issues arising from this life, than ever before; a real chance to heal and go forward.
This is the process of karma or cause and effect.
We are limited by old programmes still operating in us which present us with problems and not inconsiderable difficulties; problems that we have not learned from and dealt with adequately in the past. It is not a punishment but a process of learning.
Partnerships reveal this very clearly. Whilst one can debate the validity of monogamy or one partnership for life philosophies, what we cannot do is move in and out of relationships and partnerships as soon as the going gets a little tough without allowing a true opportunity for all the lessons to be learned and healing attained. This often means of course forgiveness, the essence of love, and real dialogue. It also means action in the outer life to promote the necessary healing needed by those involved: to give opportunity to another to change and grow and to discover a new and vital love. Of course, once a relationship has truly died and there is nothing left then there is little point in hanging on hoping some mysterious spark will suddenly ignite, but where there is a real, deep love still present then it is worth all the nurturing it can be given.
Promises of any kind are sacred, like in a marriage ceremony, and perhaps too much is asked of young souls embarking on a marriage to swear to stay together until death many, many years later. Perhaps we should promise to do our best and to give it our best shot. But promises made in partnership carry significant karmic weight. If they are repeated many times “I love you forever” or “I’ll never leave you” and so on, however we may trivialise them with hindsight, bring with them enormous karmic fall-out for the one who says such things lightly and later betrays their words, walking away from one to whom they have made so many promises without trying to give good and and adequate opportunity to put things right. The more we say and think something, the more the subconscious remembers and our old silent friend will not let us off lightly from heartless and selfish behaviour until we have really tried to heal the situation. Any lesson will be carried forward, often until later in that life to be confronted again only more powerfully the second time around.
Those who may disagree with me may say “love is about freedom, about letting go”. But it is also about understanding, generosity, forgiveness and responsibility, and the wisdom to give of the self to find a mutual healing. There is no freedom without responsibility.
Of course, as I mentioned earlier, where there is violence, aggression and an unwillingness to learn and change, then it is not perhaps wise to persist with a partnership or marriage when all spark has gone and there is little common ground for discussion, renewal and new approaches the partnership dynamics.
But before that stage is reached, we have to try and allow, until we can try no more to heal a wounded relationship and give love a chance.